On World Mental Health Day I posted a story with a few of the actions I take for my mental health. There was a little over 20% engagement with that story so I thought it'd be a great idea to go into detail with some of those actions plus a few more! I am a human being with no medical degree of any kind. I am simply sharing what I do for myself, and if something resonates with you - it resonates. I myself have learned from other people here and there, and left what didn't serve me but took what did.
Briefly, I've been aware of and intentionally focused on my mental health since 2010. When I didn't even know I was doing that until some years later, because no one was talking about it. I mean that literally. It wasn't a trending social media topic, family + friends didn't talk about it. I was intuitively doing what I needed for myself during that time which was heal and regroup after being in an abusive 3 year relationship. You can read about that here if you'd like. The habits I formed aren't something I'd been consistently doing daily, but the last couple years I've gotten better with how long I'm consistent and in the last 60 plus days, I have been more consistent than I have ever been. I say that because I have certainly had my moments within those months of sadness and other not so great emotions but I've pushed through them better than I have in the last 12 years of focusing on my mental. And I must say, it is a beautiful feeling. Being able to legitimately push through during challenging times has been a goal of mine for a few years now, so to have pushed through these last couple months with my mental health habits/routines feels fantastical! I say legitimately because sometimes, honestly...there really is a time of waving the white flag and falling back a little, and that's ok! That just means it's time to regroup, refocus, and all that jazz.
A few things before I dive in, patience is everything. As long as you're doing one step, it is one step more than you were doing before. That's something I've finally implemented. I used to want to dive all in with all of the things I do for myself, then get overwhelmed and burn out fast. Also, it should not feel like a task or a chore. If it does, then it is not in alignment right now, and you may need to try something else. There are things I do now, that I just was not feeling before. Don't force it unnecessarily. If it doesn't feel like workout pain, then I don't want it. You know the kind when you're like 'Ohhh, this sucks but it's hurting so good. This is good for me'. That's a good pain.
Do Not Disturb
Silencing the phone at night has been my best friend since around 2017. I do not like to be disturbed while I'm asleep (not many people do). I truly love sleep in a way that's probably not normal. Thankfully when iPhone came out with Do Not Disturb, it gives an option to set a timer for silencing. Mine starts from 10p to 10am. It also allows you to give access to your Favorites to bypass the DND, which I also have set up. As well as the bypass for back to back calls in case of emergency from non Favorites. I set it at 10pm because I limit my phone use at that time until around 9:30/10am. I even set a timer for 9:30pm to remind me the phone is about to be put to rest for the night so I get in all I need to do in 30 minutes which is typically not much.
No Notis
I turned off all notifications with the exception of texts, ESPN (Let's go Duke!) and uplifting apps in 2016. I know this year because the CNN app stayed blowing up my phone and the news during that time was too much for me. It was incredibly depressing (as if that's ever new), and also the Instagram notifications would tempt me to constantly check it, so I turned those off as well. But also too, I simply prefer not to see many notifications, including badges. So if you have an app with a badge notification of 15k I lose my mind for you. Like really, how do you have so many emails unread? :o
The Limit Is...
I limit the amount of time I am on social media when I'm not taking a break from it. Pretty cool timer option that released a couple years ago on IG. If you're not familiar with it, you can give yourself a time limit per day, and once you've reached that limit a pop up will notify you. If you stay on beyond that time frame (I haven't figured out how long after), it will have a pop up notification that is very annoying to the point you want to get off anyway. Every action you take, the notification will pop up...so yeah, it's time to get off.
Hibernation
I take planned social media detoxes once or twice a year around the same time every year. I've done this since 2012. It is absolutely refreshing! I say planned, because sometimes I'll take a random 2 weeks or a month because of the news or people's radical opinions drive me insane. During 2020 I took quite a few! Or I'll have too much going on personally to want to engage or post anything, so I'll just disappear for a couple weeks. No matter the time frame, this is something I will recommend as a human being without a medical degree: social media detoxes/breaks are crucial. Breaks are vital for resetting, refocusing, re everything. Even just a few days, take a break!!
Vitamin D
This is where me being a human being without a medical degree truly comes into play. There was a time during the end of 2020 early 2021 that I felt lethargic and depressed, and I couldn't figure out why. I went to my doctor and she did some bloodwork. My vitamin D levels were extremely low to the point that she prescribed me a high dose to take once a week for 3 months. In less than 3 weeks I was the complete opposite of how I felt and had much more energy. I'm not saying vitamin D is the full answer, I am saying I'd suggest getting your levels tested to see where you are. But also, getting a healthy dose of vitamin D isn't a bad idea regardless. I love getting sun for about 10 to 15 minutes, how much more natural could you get?!
Celibacy
Speaking of Vitamin D...or the lack thereof, celibacy has been my best friend on many occasions. I've practiced celibacy several times, and the longest I've gone was 3 years. Given my childhood traumas that surfaced due to the abusive relationship I was in, in my 20s, sex became something I see as special and reserved versus something I participate in with just anyone. Not to say I was ever in these streets prior to that as a Jezebel because I wasn't, but the thought process and the reason became more clear for me. Casual sex is not my thing, and sex is something I reserve for one person at a time not only for physical health reasons, but of course for my mental and emotional well being. In 2018 I tried casual, and within a month of being with him I was out. Just sex? No connection other than that? That's not appealing to me. To each their own. Sex is great physically, but for me it's the emotional connection that's important. And enjoying that with someone I'm in a committed relationship with adds to it. Has the flesh been weak and I slipped up at other times? Yes. I emotionally + mentally paid for those times, which is why I finally learned my lesson and finally applied boundaries surrounding it. To me, sex is much more fantastical and much more enjoyable when I'm connected with that person emotionally. Otherwise...what are we doing?
Monitoring Entertainment
I used to cuss a lot when I was in my 20s. I currently do now, particularly when upset or being funny, but not nearly as much. There was a 5 or 6 year period beginning in my late 20s when I did not cuss, and used 'what the f' and 'f'ing' to replace what I normally said. I did that by cutting back the amount of music I listened to with explicit lyrics and also listening to the edited versions of songs. And as of recently, I've stopped watching violent shows or movies, including serial killer and true crime documentaries which I honestly love watching, so that is pretty tough! That stuff has me in my head so much, but it's very interesting. I currently don't listen to much music when I'm alone. It's either silence or calming music like jazz or meditation sounds. However, my favorites are 90s R&B and Neo Soul. I'm in this emotionally transitioning stage at the moment, so my favorites are listened to few and far between.
Me Time In the Mo'nin Time
I typically operate best in the morning and throughout the day when I can get time for myself. It's weird, when I was in my relationship I definitely missed that time I had in the mornings when we'd stay the night together, but I didn't want to tape his mouth shut, and I probably talked more than he did honestly. I say that because for the most part, I prefer silence in the morning, and will avoid talking to anyone if I can. If I can't get an hour and a half to 2 hours uninterrupted, as long as I get in a meditation and my hot matcha or hot cacao...I'm good.
Me Time Pt II: The Ritual
First of all, I truly dislike alarms. Why are they? When I was maybe 10, my sister and I begged for that old fashioned alarm clock. You know the one with the two bells on either side at the top, and it is extremely alarming. That was a very traumatic awakening. Like...I woke up confused and frantic. We got rid of that and got the standard digital one instead. Any who, back to the ritual.
I bring up the alarm because I recently found an app called Sleepwave that wakes you up ever so gently and it is wonderful. Once I'm gently awakened from my slumber, I lie in the bed for about 5 minutes, taking my time to get out of the bed. It's easier to do that when you don't have ANY of the iPhone alarms waking you up. After the usual brushing of the teeth and washing of my face, I either light an incense or get the diffuser going. It's been the diffuser the last couple months. In the morning the diffuser gets either Ylang Ylang, Sweet Orange, or Tea Tree. A glass of room temperature water. 10 minutes of meditation. 15 minutes of affirmations. A chapter of reading if time permits. Hot matcha or hot cacao in silence, either sitting outside or near a window. A 20 to 30 minute walk if time permits. Breakfast. And by that time it's been about an hour and a half to 2 hours and I'm ready to talk to any and everybody! For me, it's important to have my time because I interact with a lot of people daily and that's a lot of folks' energy all up in my space and vise versa. I want to come to people peacefully and I want to attract that. Of course, sometimes funky acting people will appear no matter what (including ourselves, to other people), but if I can start my mornings with at the minimum, meditations and affirmations, I can handle funky acting people with grace. 85 to 90% of the time.
And also, this section is the most important part of my mental health. My me/self care time. Which I dedicate the 27th of each month to a day of self care. I started that in 2017 as well. I fell off during the pandemic, doing it here and there, but I recently picked that up again. As in last month recently.
Daily Movement
I have got to move everyday. And it's not something intense every day. It's either, yoga, yoga sculpt, circuit training/hiit, weight training, or walking. This seems like it's solely physical health, but it's mental as well. For me, anyway. It makes me feel encouraged and motivated when I move. Especially if I'm working out and I mentally break through something tough, that I may have given up on before because I felt I physically couldn't do it. The last couple weeks I have had several mental breakthrough moments while working out, and it's all due to moving daily (especially yoga). I'm not going to say consistently moving, because there are days where I don't allot time for movement because I have enough going on. I don't care to stress myself out just to do something in my routine. Which brings me to the end...
There are going to be days where things can't be done 100% or even 90% perfectly all the time (something that has taken me years to learn that I've finally applied). There are times when I'm on my phone after 10pm because I wasn't on it much during the day and I'm playing catch up, or something comes up and I need to get on it. I don't trip about it. There are weeks when I'll only be able to get movement in 5 days instead of 7. Things happen. And so on. I finally allow myself time to not be 'on it' all the time, because I don't want to wear myself out either (that has happened too many times to count). Have an off day, get right back to it. The longer you stay out of healthy habits you cultivate for yourself, the harder it is to get back in. Be mindful of that. I'm all about taking time for breaks or slip ups, but you have to be mindful of all of it. It's discouraging to fall down a ladder, and feeling the heaviness of climbing back up because you were stuck for so long. Mindfulness is truly key!
Thanks for taking the time to read my mental health actions.